My recently released novel: From the Ashes was about a 2 year project from coming up with the idea, to writing, to editing, to reviewing proofs, and finally to releasing the book. There have been many surprises along the way, but all around, the process has been very empowering and rewarding.
The first thing I learned is that the original idea for a novel is like the sketched outlines of major shapes that will someday become a complicated masterpiece with layers of paint, highlights, and shadows. Can you tell that I like painting too, though I am not very good at it? I thought I had the whole story planned out when I started writing it, but with each page, each paragraph, each word; the characters started to develop personalities of their own and unwritten backstories that caused them to take on a life of their own. When I first started writing, the story in my mind was much less complex and much more easily resolved, but I realized that the characters that had developed wouldn’t be able to resolve such complex, visceral tragedies and conflicts so easily. The story, in a way, took over and directed me to find how it would really resolve. In the end, the story was much more rich and powerful than what I had in mind when the project started.
I am mentioning this revelation second, but really, this is one that is still going on now. Now that I have my own physical copy of my novel, I am reading it for the first time through the eyes of a reader and not a writer or editor. My life was very different when I started writing, more naive, but also darker. Now, I am more aware of how the world really works, but at the same time more hopeful. There are things that I put in the book that elude to things that I was not consciously aware of or willing to acknowledge. I guess it goes to show that maybe I wasn’t as naive or ignorant as I thought, just too trusting and too patient with too little self-esteem. This specific example may not be the same for everyone, but I have come to believe that an author can discover things about themselves and about the real world as they create and live in a world all their own.
Another thing I learned is that writing the book is kind of the easy part. Especially since I chose the route of self-publishing. I don’t regret my choice because I wanted complete control over the content of my novel and didn’t want anyone editorializing the heart, soul, and message out of it. That said, doing it without a manager and publicity team has left those tasks on me. As much as I love writing, writing about myself is a real challenge. How to sound confident and knowledgeable without sounding pompous or like I don’t live in the real world but a world of my own design. Simply put, life has been hard on me, but I trust that God has a plan for me and will get me there the way he needs to even if he has to hit me over the head with that fact that I am going down the wrong road a hundred more times first.
Publicity is quite a tremendous task. As mentioned before, I am a mother of two, a full time nurse, as well as a volunteer at the kids’ school, and now a novelist and my own publicist, and at the same time still working through one of the hardest times of my life. The day seems over before it has begun with me only accomplishing maybe a quarter of what I had intended to accomplish in the day. As much as I love writing and would love to think of my books in the hands of people across the country and across the world, my own goals and aspirations will always take a back seat to my roles and responsibilities as a mother. No matter how old my children get, they will always be my babies and I would do anything and everything to keep them safe, secure, and on a path to a good future. Being a flawed human in a world where I am surrounded by flawed humans, my actions may not be perfectly carried out or my intentions even remotely understood, but I will always do my best and what I see as best for my children and their future. Everything else, I will get to when my duties to my children are done.
With that attitude, I may never be famous, I may never be rich, and I may never be as productive as any other novelist, but I will be able to look at my children and myself in my mirror and know that I am doing my best. Fame, wealth, and accomplishment are all fine and good, but my duty is not just to myself, but first and foremost to the two beautiful, little lives that have been placed under my care. I will never regret or apologize for loving my children and looking out for them.
I hope to be able to go forward with my writing, publish more books, and get them in the hands of more people. I have faith that someday my life will get back onto the track that it is supposed to be on so that I can find life, love, and happiness of my own, but my duties to my children will always come first. I hope to find someone who will understand that my children will ALWAYS come first, that will be able to make me a priority when I forget to make myself a priority, and will bring out the best in me and will have the best of him brought out by me. These hope, I have faith that I will have a taste of them someday, but if not, I know that I am still living the life that God has planned for me and fulfilling the plans and roles he has for me.
Louisa Koch 